"A Million Little Pieces" & Comforting his mama...

As a woman who is not an alcholic, drug addict, or criminal, it is very hard to understand alcoholics, drug addicts, and criminals. This is especially difficult since I work with parents who are. Never have I been so close to understanding until I read this book. This book, by no means, is the answer to all addiction, but it does give some great insight into why James Frey turned to drugs.

This story (pseudo autobiography...more on that later) begins with James Frey on an airplane unknowingly with a busted grill and no recollection as to how it happened. When I say busted, I mean jacked. I'm talking no front teeth, a broken, nose, and a gash on his cheek. (I guess I can say he was a mess because the author did such a wonderful job of description). James arrives to meet his parents and he is enrolled into drug rehab. He has a clear and serious anger problem that he dubs, "The Fury," and his addiction is fueled by this anger. Whenever the fury rises he needs a drink or a drug (ooops...forgot to mention his drug of choice; crack. Shameful. Oh yea, also forgot to mention, he's my age; literally. 23. How does one become addicted to crack at 23 especially when your parents are filthy stinking rich?? But I digress...) Anyway, so he arrives in rehab and he stays. The one thing I can give James is that he takes responsibility and has the where with all to understand that he needs help. Serious help. (Unlike most of my parents where their addiction somehow ends up being my fault. Right, because I pushed the needle in your arm, forced the blunt to your lips, and lit the spoon so you could do the whole crack bit...wait. Is that how it happens, lol?)

James begins his treatment and makes great friends including a Federal judge and a member of organized crime. (Say whaaat??) James also is given some assistance for his busted grill. His nose is reset (in painstaking detail) and he is sent to the dentist to get his teeth fixed. May I add that he was not allowed to have any pain medication due to him being in rehab. That's right my friends, he had a double root canal as well as new teeth put in WITHOUT anesthestic or any other type of ANYTHING! I cringe at the thought.

After he goes back to the rehab center looking like something not out of a horror film, he settles into treatment. He finds out that his parents are coming for the Family Program. He is enraged because he basically, like, hates his parents. He doesn't even know why. He says that The Fury rises immensely when they're around. During their visitation, it comes out that James spent the first 2 years of his life crying and in pain from undiagnosed ear infections. The psychologist working with the family explains, developmentally, how James is where he is. I am firm believer in the developmental steps of child development (Erikson's) and could totally see how something like that could happen, though I don't think it should be used as an excuse.

I definitely recommend this book. It was an eye opener for sure. I think listening to it made this "autobiography" all the more real. Why the " "s? Well, unfortunately, there seems to be much speculation that Mr. Frey's story is a crock. Check it out! If the man is a con, he even fooled *gasp* OPRAH!: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0104061jamesfrey1.html

Look at my precious gentleman! I look at him and can't believe how fortunate I am that God gave him to me. This photo was taken on Easter of this year. He was all decked out! He's such a sweetheart, especially after this week when he was comforting me as I was very upset. It was bizarre!

My mother called me very upset due to finding out that one of her very good friends passed away the week before and she found out by looking in the newspaper. This man was responsible for finding me my first vehicle, taking care of all the family's cars, as well as driving me and Dre from MA to OH when he was just 6 weeks old to exchange my new car for my old one. This man drove my old care back to my mother's house in MA that very same night. The man had the heart of a servant and will really be missed by our family.

As my mother called me and was crying, I was crying as well. This little angel God gave came over to me, put his hands on my knees and reached up for a kiss. He went back to watching Yo Gabba Gabba and then came back to me and put his head on my lap. I was astonished at the bond we have. He knew something was wrong with his mom and he wanted to make me feel better. I love this little boy with all my heart and soul and pray that he remains the caring person he was last week.

"A Fine Balance" & Seriously...Bananas??

This book has been on my TBR (To Be Read) pile for years. I'm not even kidding you. This book has been on the list since college. As you can see by the cover of the book, it's another Oprah's book club choice. I don't know why I do this to myself because we all know how depressinggggg Oprah's choices can be. Unfortunately, I don't know of any other book lists (hint: if you're reading this, please give me some suggestions!)

This novel is set in the 1970's in India. This novel has a lot of different aspects to it. For some reason, I keep choosing books that have multiple characters with multiple stories. In the 1970's there was a, "State of Emergency," declared by the Prime Minister. To go into all the horrible things that happened during this state of emergency would take all day, so suffice it to say that it involved an attempted extermination of the poor. Houses were destroyed, sterilization of men and women (for population control), and in some instances, castration. No, I'm not lying.

The novel exhibits the strength and independence of a woman without the help of a man, the determination of a relative to provide for his nephew due to his parents being killed, and the serious depression of a college student which reached its culmination at the end of the novel.

If I have to focus on one thing throughout the novel, it is the depression of this college student, Maneck. He was sent away to college by his parents for a certificate in HVAC. Maneck felt slighted and felt as if his parents did not care and that he had no one. Having been a college student on a campus of over 20,000 students, I have heard of my fair share of depressive stories...even those leading to suicide. In my 3 1/2 years of college, I knew of at least 3 suicides; 2 hangings, and 1 overdose. It's almost like you know these types of things occur, but you can't undestand why. I can't understand it. I wish I could sit down with someone who has attempted suicide and pick their brain about what was going through their heads. I have been to some seriously low points in my life where I felt like I had no hope, my life was over, etc. But all I had to think of was my family or my friends (and not to mention my belief in Jesus Christ) and imagine how they would feel. What would happen to me afterwards? I wish there was a way I could speak to those considering this final choice and explain that rock bottom is okay since you can only go up from there.

So off of my depressing tangent and onto something cuter! Ok, so I know every kid has their favorite food or preference, but my son is cuckoo for bananas. When I tell you this kid goes absolutely crazy when he's sees the bananas on the stovetop (I keep them towards the back between the burners) I mean he goes NUTS! I have taken to keeping the bananas in a cabinet. How sad is this? We tried putting them on top of the fridge. Nope, didn't work because guess what's on top of the fridge? Ritz crackers and Goldfish. Darn baked snacks! This picture was taken at the Cracker Barrel for our little trio breakfast. Cut up bananas came with the oatmeal (which he also loves). He refused to eat the oatmeal and ate the bananas. Come to find out, there were 2 cut up bananas in the bowl. Talk about constipation!

"The Time Traveler's Wife" and Hitting Back...a HUGE no no!!

This is the second book I have read by Audrey Niffenegger and I must say she is quickly climbing the charts to one of my favorite authors. I read her other novel, "Her Fearful Symmetry," and loved, loved, loved it!

*WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!*

This novel swaps back and forth betweeen Henry and Clare. Henry is the time traveler in the relationship and appears in a clearing in the meadow behind Clare's home when she is 6 years old. Essentially, she has known this man for almost her entire life. This novel keeps in time with Clare's age, and Henry exists in the present, however, he has a time travelling self that appears in the present, past, and future. This had me a bit confused in the beginning. I was having trouble understanding which Henry I was dealing with.

Throughout the novel, Clare always seems to be waiting. As a child she was waiting to grow up and be legal so she could date and eventually marry him (she already knew from "future" Henry that they were already married). She had to wait 2 years to meet him in real life. After marriage, she waited years and 7 miscarriages later to have a child with Henry (miscarriages mainly due to chromosomal issues with Henry's sperm I'm assuming). After they do have their first child, Henry dies when they're daughter Alba is 5. She waits in hope of seeing the time traveling Henry, but this waiting proves to be in vain because the only one who ever sees him is Alba.

(*Note this a draft saved from March. Baby news to follow!)

"Sula" and BOTTLE FREE!

What are the first words I think of when I hear, "Sula," now? The term, "trifling heifer," comes to mind!



Sorry, this post may sound a wee bit harsh, but I have a very low tolerance for home wreckers (whether the man/woman is married or not). This part alone made it very hard for me to pay attention to this book. Having been in a situation where I was betrayed by a best friend, I can't tolerate it. Nope. Just can't do it!


The story takes place in the 1920's with Sula Peace and Nel Wright as best friends. There are so many instances where Toni Morrison described how "tight" these girls were as children. Unfortunately, time moves on and Sula left their small hometown for the city. There she learned the ways of the world I guess you could say. Upon her return to their hometown, Sula betrays her oldest and best friends in one of the most hideous ways. I think what ultimately ticks me off is the way that, in the end, Nel comes back to Sula trying to help her as she is dying. I must say that Nel had to have been one heck of a woman. I'm all for forgiveness but I'll be darned if I'm helping you on your death bed!


I appreciated the writing style (Toni Morrison's imagery is out of this world!) and loved how much of an easy read this was. (I guess I should say listen as that is how I "read" most of my books!). Sorry this review is not much of a review, but it really put a bad taste in my mouth.






This is the last picture of my son and his bottle. He has been bottle free for 15 days as of today. I am so proud of him. I stressed for months about how in the world I was going to wean this little man off of something that is so comforting to him. As you can see here, he is one-handing the bottle. I think when he started doing this that I really started contemplating weaning. I must say that I could not have done this without our sitter and I am so appreciative of her.

He is so picky about the type of cup he drinks. He has 2 Mickey Mouse Playtex cups I bought from Babies R Us; one for home, one for the sitter. Those are the only 2 he will take. He is so strong willed when it comes to drinking out of or eating anything he does not recognize. He will turn his head and walk away from anything he doesn't like. I sure hope he'll do this with women in hisfuture!

"Animal Farm" and GET OFF MY TV!!

I can't tell you how unbelievably funny this book was! It was such a parallel to government these days (or what I'm sure earlier governments were). I focuses on totalitarianism and how governments tend to change their views/laws to protect those who feel they are superior. (Hey, this doesn't sound so ancient now does it...hmmmm!)

The book is set on a farm (duh!) wherein all the animals can talk. The animals are, in their eyes, treated poorly, and succeed in running off the farmer (Jones) with their revolt.

(For some reason, this reminds me of something I heard on Michael Moore's movie, "Sicko." Someone in the movie said that the difference between the French government and the United States' government is that the French are afraid of revolt and afraid of their people rising up against them. We all know America's theory: "Speak softly and carry a big stick," but I digress).

Anyway, the farmer is run off and the pigs (who knew pigs were such smart animals?!) became the head of the the farm. What's funny is they constantly dangled the idea of Jones returning in front of their eyes to justify the way they rules the farm. They made the animals petrified of this "enemy" to continue to rule how they saw fit. (Sound familiar?) They reneged on their rules (ex: "No animal shall drink alcohol" became "No animal shall drink alcohol in excess," etc.). Basically all the rules were changed to fit the needs of the reigning regime (the pigs...which I must say also cracked me up!). I recommend this book if you want a funny outtake on government.

My son won't leave my TV alone. I allow him to watch 1-2 episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba! a day, once in the morning (maybe) and definitely one in the evening while I am cooking dinner in the kitchen. Fortunately, my little man is perfect weight for his height, but this height business is screwing with my television viewing pleasures. For some reason it is appealing to him to turn off the TV during a program (and no, I do not have DVR to rewind!). Along with turning off the TV is his ability to open the refrigerator door. That's right. He's figured it out, everyone. And I must admit, it's kind of annoying to be trying to cook dinner and someone is handing you a bag of shredded cheddar cheese because they're hungry NOW!

"White Oleander with a side of Separation Anxiety"

I must admit, I get most of these book ideas from a list I made during my pregnancy on goodreads.com. And to be even more honest, I compiled most of this list from Oprah's Book Club...which I started in college. I have read a couple of the books on the list, and barring the book A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle (which I couldn't get past the first 2 pages of due to my own religious beliefs), they have all been great.

Anyhow, I remember seeing this movie in high school, and all that ever stuck with me was that the narrator, Astrid, had one smart mouth. It didn't occur to me (or at least I don't remember it doing so) that this girl went through hell.

The story begins with Astrid living with her mother, Ingrid, the most narcissistic character I have ever read about. She is a poet and basically her own god. Anyway, she starts dating this man named Barry Kolker. Barry, per the author, is not an attractive man by any means. Ingrid falls in love with him anyway and susbsequently kills him when he begins ignoring her and replaces her with other beautiful, young women. This is the beginning of Astrid's foster care story.

That's right foster care. God knows I didn't choose to read about the life I live every day. For those of you who may not know, I provide child welfare case management for our county's Children's Services. Foster care is a term talked about all day. I gotta say that the kids on my caseload are in great homes; Astrid's story is the epitome of that one story we have all heard. You know, the one involving rape/consensual sex by/with the man in the house, further physical/mental abuse, residential facilities, even suicide of a foster parent who truly loves and adores you (okay, so that's a little far reaching, but, unfortunately, this happens to Astrid).

Despite these circumstances, Astrid rises above it all and becomes a woman in tune with her craft (art) and lives her life after aging out of the system. It kind of put my job and life into perspective. It made me think about how my life has been relatively easy since I've never been raped or physically or mentally abused. It kinda inspires me to want to tell my teens in foster care about this book. I firmly believe that, if you allow it, your past will shape your present and possibly your future. I also believe that YOU have the power to change it. You can't change your past, but the present is now. Do something (positive) now.

Speaking of now, separation anxiety blows. Never has my son cried for me when I left him at daycare/home with his dad/etc. I never really wanted the day to come, but someone PLEASE explain to me when that day DID come, I wasn't the one he was crying for. HE WAS CRYING FOR HIS GRANDMOTHER! I felt robbed. =[ He eventually did cry for me the following day, but the newness had worn off. (Ok, I'm lying. Walking away from my child as he is walking towards me with outstretched arms and crying was devastating and I'm glad it's only happened once).

"He's Just Not That Into You & Teething"

I bought this book, written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, under false pretenses. Okay, so maybe not, but I thought this book would be like the movie. I heard the movie was a great chick flick. Had no clue that this book was a compilation of Q&A. I was sorely disappointed, but since it was only 3 CD's (a total of 4 hours), I gave it a whirl.

It was actually a wee bit enlightening despite the fact that I found it absolutely hilarious that women as ridiculous as these women sounded were actually writing in to ask, "Greg, I met a man 2 weeks ago, but he has not called. Should I call him? Is he into me?" You fool. What's surprising is that I felt myself answering the questions before Greg even got there.

The book wasn't as cheesy as it sounds. There were actual legit excuses that we women tend to make for men. "He's not into family so he hasn't met mine...even though it's been 2 years," or, "But I really like him when he's drunk, even though I've rarely seen him sober." C'mon now. I can't say that I haven't made an excuse for a guy. I think part women innately do this because we want to give men the benefit of the doubt. I think the biggest reason we do this, however, is that we are too afrad to assert ourselves. Ya know, stand up for what we want, heck, what we need, and what is right. As I was listening to this book, it really made me think about somethings. Though I don't think every situation is as black and white as Greg says it is, I do think he is pretty darn accurate. I mean, he is a guy after all. Let's not waste the pretty ladies!

Anywho...

This is what I remember of my son's smile. No teeth. No morning breath. No miniature teeth to brush (with great resistance).

This was about 6 months ago. Ain't he cute? Yea, well this what that gummy little smile turned into...

And this wasn't even that bad ('Scuse the jacked polish job on my nail). Not too much fussiness. Just wanting to chew on his teething ring (his "chew toy" as my imbecile brother put it).

Fast forward, oooh, 3 months...
...and this is what we have. 4 teeth (bottom 2 not pictured). Cute, but do you know what we WENT THROUGH just to get those 4 teeth??? I will never for the life of me understand how in the WORLD a child gets so stinkin sick from TEETH! I get the crankiness, whininess, yada yada yada. Heck, I have a wisdom tooth that has been kicking my tail off and on for years now and when it starts to hurt, I want nothing more than to be held...or lay in my bed all day. But I mean the diarrhea every 10 minutes, the boogers, the coughing. All for some TEETH? Someone rationalize this for me please! All in all he has the cutest smile I've ever seen. Now if only the rest of those turkeys would come through!

He's 1 & "The Shack"

Ok, so I know that I slacked off. Big Time. My baby blog was last updated in May 2009. That's horrible and I apologize. Will you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?

Now that that's over, I am committing to start 2010 to discuss 2 loves of my heart; my son and books. That's right, your girl is Mother Bookworm. These days I rarely have time to actually read a book (at least anything that's not a textbook) so I listen to them on CD in my car. This works especially well since I spend a ton of time in my car driving for my job (for which I also spend a LOT of money for car insurance for...but I digress).

So here's the deal. I am going to, "read," a book, post my thoughts/feelings, and give an update of the little one. This should work for all my friends and family members who want to know what's going on in the life of my 13-month old (can you believe it??). On the other hand, I get to talk about one other thing in my life that brings me joy...books.

Let's begin.

This book came to me by way of a recommendation from a friend. It came to her by recommendation of a trainer whose session we'd taken together. I must admit that I had heard about this book before, but couldn't quite remember what it had been known for. After reading this book, I now understand.

Let me begin this by saying that I grew up a nondenominational Christian. We believe not in religion, but relationship with God and Jesus Christ. This concept is key to this novel. The author, William P. Young, brings a very new and fresh concept to the idea of being in a relationship with God.

The premise of this novel begins with a father, Mack, who takes his 3 children camping. Everything is going fine and dandy until one of his children, Kate, decides she wants to go canoeing. She takes her brother with her. Missy, the third child hangs back to color. Unfortunately, something goes awry in the water and Mack's son begins to drown. Mack leaves his post with Missy to immediately assist in his son. While all of this is going on, (STOP HERE IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERS)...

...Missy is subsequently kidnapped and murdered by the Ladybug Killer. The story continues from there in all the ways that a normal murder mystery occurs; the search party, the FBI, the town PD, all that. But the story only begins when Mack, back home from his camping trip sans his youngest daughter, and receives a letter in the mailbox from "Papa," (the nickname used by his wife, Nan, to mean God). Mack is told in this letter to go back to the shack where Missy was murdered.

Of course Mack goes. This is where the story really takes off from being, what I think, to be a mystery of what happened to Missy to the mystery of who is this Holy Trinity anyway? Mack encounters God, who happens to appear as a female, Jesus, as an Arab, and the Holy Ghost (named Sarayu...meaning wind). Mack spends a weekend with the three learning more about himself and letting go of the past.

This book really touched me. I am not taking everything this book says as Bible, but it really showed me the type of relationship I would want to have with God. It really surprised me that this novel was fiction because it had so many non-fiction inspirational nuggets. It forced the main character to drop his luggage at the door (this includes his anger toward God for his daughter's death), and open his heart to who God could really be for him. Too many times, I think that most people (Christians included) think of God as this far away being who is untouchable. In fact, this is not the way it should be. God should be (and honestly, really is) as close as is possible. He's ALWAYS there.

One thing that stood out to me in this book is the topic of forgiveness. I have been through a lot in my short time here on earth and boy have I had to forgive people for a lot of things. I always wondered how God could know everything, yet he forgets our sins. It never made sense. This book opened my eyes to this a little. It implies that God OBVIOUSLY remembers and knows, but yet He chooses to not think about it and looks at us as the repentant children that we are. How awesome to think that someone knows about ALL our mess yet STILL loves us. That's unconditional love, people!

I highly recommend this book for everyone, not just Christians. Actually, ESPECIALLY not just Christians. It's an eye opener to non-believers and believers alike. I am so delighted that I kicked off my year with this book!

And now the moment you have all been waiting for... THE MAN! I am proud to say that my little boy is 13 months old (14 months on 01/29/10). He is walking and saying "bye bye" (with a wave might I add!). He says dada, mama (which sometimes sounds more like baba...can't win 'em all), up, as well as other non-distinguishable syllables.

Most recently, HE IS OFF FORMULA! Woohoo!! I have yet to see what that will do for my bank account, but man, I can't wait!

He was 20lbs at his 1 year appointment as well as 26 and some change inches. (Poor kid, I don't think he has much of a chance height wise. Sorry!) He's an all around amazing child and as a good friend of mine put it, my, "accidental happily ever after."